my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
