The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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