that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
