There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
