I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
