Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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