I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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