Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
