a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
