HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
