Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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