so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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