i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
