I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
