There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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