I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He? As in you personified your dick?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
