Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm passing your future prison.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
