Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have aggressive nipples.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
