he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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