You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize