and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
