I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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