wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize