Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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