She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
