Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I party with great urgency now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
