i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
