Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
