Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I could make wine with my vomit
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize