Plan B is the new Plan A
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
