if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize