i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
