Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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