I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm too high and old for this...
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