I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dear god my vagina.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
