he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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