All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
