I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We have started to decorate penises.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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