it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
