I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
