hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
