Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize