I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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