Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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