Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize