Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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