Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
foreskin is a definite game changer
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
