He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
