Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
