you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize