I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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