please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
There are leaves in my underwear?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
