apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
