alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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