i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We are two peas in an std pod
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
