why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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