I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
