i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
