Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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