Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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