Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
