I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
