just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
