thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
