Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
