I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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