Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
