I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
