If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
