when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
