how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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