Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize