It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
