i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
