Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Everything about him screamed your future.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
