My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
