The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
