He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
