its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm really busy with my period
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