Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
