did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
