Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
