Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
