I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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