i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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