I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
