So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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