saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
