woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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