just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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