I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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