i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
