I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
