I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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