I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
