just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Houston, we have a blender
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
