You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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