So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
