Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize