wrigley field is MILF paradise
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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