her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize