Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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