tell your sister to shave her snatch
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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