Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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