umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
