Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
